Excerpt, Robb Johnson's Blog

News from Irregular Records – January 2022

I would like to take this opportunity to offer a new contract with the British people on this mailing list

A Labour Government would enable Brits to feel safe, prosperous and respected, as outlined in three key principles: “Wilson, Blair & NotJeremyCorbyn”, or – to translate the complex nuances of Starmerish into plain English: “bollocks, more bollocks & quite a lot of fibbing”.

However, an Irregular Records government on the other hand would immediately announce tax rises & offer incentives to rich greedy bastards to fuck off & take their newspapers & pet media pundits with them, & once all the aforesaid bastards like Rod Stewart, Nigel Furridge, Eric Clapton, Pritless Patel etc have scampered off with their ill-gotten loot, then an Irregular Records government would abolish itself & transfer power to workers councils composed of key workers & people who actually do something useful- like collecting the recycling, looking after small children, each other, getting the shopping & cooking meals for each other, singing (not in a fucking tribute band but in your own voice), making other people smile (not by being a “stand up comedian” who shows off on television game shows), playing stuff, making stuff, repairing stuff, being kind, doing the sort of stuff that most of us do anyway, but without having to put up with the greedy bastards eating all the pies we bake.

Or – alternatively – an Irregular Records Government could just go down the nearest decent pub & disorganise a folk club & sing down neo-liberalism – this is known as the Ministry of Humour strategy; it is a little like the chaos theory of a butterfly hovering over New York causing the downfall of Pinochet’s trousers (or something like that) only it necessarily involves more beer & the use of guitars, not just flapping your arms about in a hopelessly hopeful manner like a headless hippy. True, it is a long term strategy, but in fact it proved absolutely key & decisive in the eventual overthrow 6 years later of the Thatcher Regime, & many folk historians believe – if you buy them enough wine -that the repeated singing of “No More Townships” to bewildered & disconcerted folkies in clubs up & down the Thames valley was vital to the freeing of Nelson Mandela, because it caused Major Cumley Fitzmaidenhead of Oxford Folk Club to telephone his old chum President Botha, & plead with him to end apartheid so that the club could get back to singing about slaughtering foxes, whales & jolly but docile members of the working class who are stupidly persuaded they are as happy in their slums as those have thousands or more, hey nonny hey nonny.
So – next time there’s an election – always assuming Bodger or Bodger’s successor decides to continue with the fictional trappings of “parliamentary democracy” – & assuming there’s any of us left either alive or not transported when we get our citizenship taken away for saying boo to a heavily armed policeman – this is what Irregular Records will be offering the nation – the square root of buggerall with jam on it too (but experience suggests that this will be considerably more of a realistic, achievable prospect than Sir Keir “Your10pledgesaresafewithme(not)” Fibber’s promise of Security!!!! Prosperity!!!! GeorgeGalloway’s old party!!!!). Meanwhile – there’s some gigs…. 9th January: Shoreham Palladium 8pm the Official facebook page – tonight!  19thJanuary: The Carrington Triangle Nottingham (yes!!! A real GIG!!!!) 28th& 29th January: Ordinary Giants at Chats Palace, Hackney.  Tickets here including access to a live stream on 28th January Ordinary Giants will also be performed at Kings Arms Salford on 25th March 2022 Wow!!!! All aboard for 1981 or maybe 2….following last month’s archeological expedition to Manchester in 1979, we jump a couple of years forward to find the band Grubstreet making a racket in Twickenham. A lot of changes seem to have taken place over a very short period of time. It happened like this. My godmother, Aunty Min, died & left me some money in 1980. I bought a second hand old dobro for about £800. When I got it home, I found it had a pick up in it. At the time, The Blues Band were suggesting (wrongly of course) that there might be some sort of renewed interest in electric blues performed by young white males. Acquiring a dobro with a pick-up seemed to be the universe’s way of telling me – a young white male seriously bitten by Howling Wolf at the time – to form a band. Fortunately, reality soon intervened & I realised singing blues was not singing my song but somebody else’s, & even though we didn’t know it was called cultural appropriation back then, I felt more comfortable pretending to be me rather than pretending to be Howling Wolf. So here we are a couple of years later, all off down the student union for cheap beer & postpunk guitar! None of this makes this bootleg any more listenable of course! But I think it would be dishonest not to acknowledge one’s many & ongoing mistakes…. Whatever. I send hugs & hopes & two fingers to the blues that still seem to be falling down all around us like rain, & I remain glad & thankful to the social infrastructure that ensured that I did indeed wake up this morning after all.  Salud Robb
The People’s Republic of Neverland: The Child versus the State